OK so I found a little more time to blog... :)
There are many YWAM families like us, waiting on one more document until our cases are finalized and we are legally made parents of our sweet kiddos. It's no fun, especially since most of us have already met our little ones and fallen off the deep end in love with them. We want them home. It's natural.
But on the other hand... we signed up for this. This is international adoption. If there is anything we can expect, it is bumps in the road, changes to the process, and delays in the time-line. That doesn't mean we have to like it, but it does mean we can accept it as a normal part of the journey. In this rough waiting stage here are a few things I'm trying to remember to help me keep it all in perspective:
1. I can't make this go any faster, but is not going as slowly as it feels. Ethiopia has one of the fastest processing times for adoptions. China has a 4 year wait for non-special needs adoptions. Domestic foster-to-adopt cases can take years and years to be finalized, depending on the birth parent's status. We have been in this process for 13 months and we are almost done. In the grand scheme, this is a lightning-fast time-line!
2. I am not entitled to a smooth process. We are talking about transferring a human being from being legally in the care of an organization to being legally placed in a family from another country. This can be nothing but complicated. Adoption is still relatively new to Ethiopia and they continue to refine their process to make it more ethical and safe for families and children. Bumps in the road for me will hopefully mean a better process for the future.
3. The YWAM and CHI staff are the best. No really. THE BEST. We met dozens of staff members in Ethiopia - nannies, directors, coordinators, lawyers, etc -- and every single one of them was a superstar. They were truly some of the most compassionate, conscientious, and considerate people I have ever met. It kills us to be separated from our boy. It kills us that our case is still not finalized. But it comforts us immeasurably that our son is being loved on and cared for by amazing people. It sets our minds at ease that smart, capable individuals are doing their best to get our case decided as quickly as possible. We also met adoptive parents in Ethiopia who were working with other agencies and orphanages. Here's what we kept hearing from them: Wow... You guys are so lucky... Gosh, I wish I could say that about the people we worked with... You should see where our kids were... I wish we had the support you have... I wish someone had prepared us as well as your agency did... And on and on and on. It helps so much to know that we are in very good hands and so is our son.
Of course none of the above will make our children magically appear in our arms... but I hope that if you are waiting like us, these things still bring you a measure of peace. God is at work and he will keep his promises. I don't think that necessarily means we'll have our kids home by Christmas or whatever deadline we've set in our heads (though I would love that of course!). God is big enough to be glorified even when our deadlines are missed and our hopes are shattered. God is big enough to be glorified even when our plans fail and our children wait. God is big enough to be glorified in our journeys, even when they are bumpy and longer than we wanted, even when they make us cry out "how can this be your plan?"... even then, God can glorify himself. Let's make that our first prayer - Lord, glorify yourself, with all the prayers for speed and smoothness coming only after and in submission to that one.
Monday, November 1, 2010
ethiopia, part 1 of ?
Where to begin? Since I don't know how much time I'll have to blog in the next few days/weeks, I will first post a summary of our trip and then go into more detail later when I get a chance. Here are the main highlights of our trip:
*We started off the trip with a fun evening in Washington DC with a college friend and her husband. I've never been before so it was fun to see the White House and all the monuments lit up at night!
*We arrived safe on Saturday AM and though we were tired, we hit up the shopping district to stay awake and try to get on Ethiopia time.
*On Sunday we drove 9 hours to Nekemte. The road was everything we had been told it would be: bumpy, crazy, crowded, interesting, and beautiful!
*We visited a 130 year old palace on Monday morning before driving the final 2 hours to Gimbie.
*Monday afternoon we spent time with our son's grandmother and saw the home he lived in for the first 9 months of life. It was a total shock to find any of his relatives -- the experience was nothing short of miraculous for us. The conversations and experiences we had on that day will bless our son and our family for the rest of our lives.
*Tuesday was a long day of travel - 14 hours from Gimbie to our guest house in Addis. From carsick toddlers to minor traffic accidents, there was never a dull moment!
*Wednesday we went to Adama to meet our boy! Although our first hour with him was mostly punctuated by screeching and crying, he did eventually warm up to us and show the sweet personality hiding behind the screams. I can't put into words how much we love this child. The time we spent with him was truly a gift.
*We were graciously given the option not to take our son from the Adama orphanage to the Thomas Center in Addis. Instead the orphanage director, Tezera, will make this trip with him later this week. This gave him the opportunity to stay in his familiar environment for a few more days and gave us the opportunity to say goodbye to him on happy terms. He would have no doubt hated every minute of the 2 hour drive in the arms of strangers, and will be much more comfortable traveling with Tezera, whom he knows and loves. It was a blessing to be able to leave him in the arms of his caring nannies - he even gave us kisses when we said goodbye!
*We spent most of Thursday in the courthouse waiting room. We had already been made aware that all the YWAM cases were missing one document from the orphanage which would delay the final deciding of our cases. Still, we were thankful that we got to appear before the judge and our part went well. And we are VERY thankful that the case can now be decided without our presence so we did not have to extend our stay in-country or make (God-forbid) yet another trip back for a 2nd court date. We hope and pray this document will come in soon so that we can officially become his parents! At this point it looks like we may still be able to bring him home in December or January... It is hard to have all these things out of our hands, but we not only have trust in the awesome YWAM and CHI staff who are working on our behalf, but also ultimately in the God who holds us all in his hands and will bring about the fulfillment of his promises at just the right time. After court we went back to the guest house and enjoyed a coffee ceremony before heading to the airport to begin our 32 hour journey home.
*We thank God for keeping us safe and healthy the whole way - no problems with food, water, or travel.
---
Now... we wait. The only way to describe how we feel right now is that it feels like we left a part of ourselves in Ethiopia. During this time we will live our lives - love and care for our kids, do our best at work, keep up with our responsibilities and relationships - but in everything we do there will be a subconscious recognition that a piece is missing. And in one sense, I am not sure that bringing our boy home will change this feeling. Yes, our family will be whole -- and what an incredible blessing and answer to prayer that will be! But Ethiopia has captured our hearts and it will always be our son's first home. I almost feel like having pieces of our hearts on both continents is just the new "normal" for our family. I'm not sure I ever want to lose this deep love and longing for that amazing place... So my prayer is for us to be together soon, but also for God to show us how to live with peace wherever we are... and to live with peace in two places at once.
*We started off the trip with a fun evening in Washington DC with a college friend and her husband. I've never been before so it was fun to see the White House and all the monuments lit up at night!
*We arrived safe on Saturday AM and though we were tired, we hit up the shopping district to stay awake and try to get on Ethiopia time.
*On Sunday we drove 9 hours to Nekemte. The road was everything we had been told it would be: bumpy, crazy, crowded, interesting, and beautiful!
*We visited a 130 year old palace on Monday morning before driving the final 2 hours to Gimbie.
*Monday afternoon we spent time with our son's grandmother and saw the home he lived in for the first 9 months of life. It was a total shock to find any of his relatives -- the experience was nothing short of miraculous for us. The conversations and experiences we had on that day will bless our son and our family for the rest of our lives.
*Tuesday was a long day of travel - 14 hours from Gimbie to our guest house in Addis. From carsick toddlers to minor traffic accidents, there was never a dull moment!
*Wednesday we went to Adama to meet our boy! Although our first hour with him was mostly punctuated by screeching and crying, he did eventually warm up to us and show the sweet personality hiding behind the screams. I can't put into words how much we love this child. The time we spent with him was truly a gift.
*We were graciously given the option not to take our son from the Adama orphanage to the Thomas Center in Addis. Instead the orphanage director, Tezera, will make this trip with him later this week. This gave him the opportunity to stay in his familiar environment for a few more days and gave us the opportunity to say goodbye to him on happy terms. He would have no doubt hated every minute of the 2 hour drive in the arms of strangers, and will be much more comfortable traveling with Tezera, whom he knows and loves. It was a blessing to be able to leave him in the arms of his caring nannies - he even gave us kisses when we said goodbye!
*We spent most of Thursday in the courthouse waiting room. We had already been made aware that all the YWAM cases were missing one document from the orphanage which would delay the final deciding of our cases. Still, we were thankful that we got to appear before the judge and our part went well. And we are VERY thankful that the case can now be decided without our presence so we did not have to extend our stay in-country or make (God-forbid) yet another trip back for a 2nd court date. We hope and pray this document will come in soon so that we can officially become his parents! At this point it looks like we may still be able to bring him home in December or January... It is hard to have all these things out of our hands, but we not only have trust in the awesome YWAM and CHI staff who are working on our behalf, but also ultimately in the God who holds us all in his hands and will bring about the fulfillment of his promises at just the right time. After court we went back to the guest house and enjoyed a coffee ceremony before heading to the airport to begin our 32 hour journey home.
*We thank God for keeping us safe and healthy the whole way - no problems with food, water, or travel.
---
Now... we wait. The only way to describe how we feel right now is that it feels like we left a part of ourselves in Ethiopia. During this time we will live our lives - love and care for our kids, do our best at work, keep up with our responsibilities and relationships - but in everything we do there will be a subconscious recognition that a piece is missing. And in one sense, I am not sure that bringing our boy home will change this feeling. Yes, our family will be whole -- and what an incredible blessing and answer to prayer that will be! But Ethiopia has captured our hearts and it will always be our son's first home. I almost feel like having pieces of our hearts on both continents is just the new "normal" for our family. I'm not sure I ever want to lose this deep love and longing for that amazing place... So my prayer is for us to be together soon, but also for God to show us how to live with peace wherever we are... and to live with peace in two places at once.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
hours, not days
We leave in less than 48 hours! We are mostly packed and just have one or two last-minute errands to run. To say we are very excited would be a vast understatement, and to say we are a little nervous would be right on the money.
Here are a few prayer requests:
-For strength, clarity of mind, and energy to take care of the last few things that need to be done before we go. Both of us are pretty stressed out at work right now so please pray that we could make all the last minute arrangements and have peace about how we are leaving things.
-For Nate and Dexter and their grandparents who will take care of them while we are gone, please pray for fun bonding time and safety.
-For our little boy in Ethiopia, that God will bless him and protect him through yet another transition as we take him from the YWAM Widow & Orphan home to a different children's home in the capital where he will stay until we come back to bring him home.
-For physical and emotional strength for us as we set off on what will be an amazing but challenging trip.
Thank you so much for your prayers! It is awesome to know that we have so many people praying for us as we go.
I will close this post with a quote from our 3 year old. Jon was walking home from the park with the boys and Dexter looked up at him from the stroller and said, "Daddy, when I'm a grown-up, I'm going to help all the boys and girls who don't have mommies and daddies to get new mommies and daddies. God wants me to do that."
Here are a few prayer requests:
-For strength, clarity of mind, and energy to take care of the last few things that need to be done before we go. Both of us are pretty stressed out at work right now so please pray that we could make all the last minute arrangements and have peace about how we are leaving things.
-For Nate and Dexter and their grandparents who will take care of them while we are gone, please pray for fun bonding time and safety.
-For our little boy in Ethiopia, that God will bless him and protect him through yet another transition as we take him from the YWAM Widow & Orphan home to a different children's home in the capital where he will stay until we come back to bring him home.
-For physical and emotional strength for us as we set off on what will be an amazing but challenging trip.
Thank you so much for your prayers! It is awesome to know that we have so many people praying for us as we go.
I will close this post with a quote from our 3 year old. Jon was walking home from the park with the boys and Dexter looked up at him from the stroller and said, "Daddy, when I'm a grown-up, I'm going to help all the boys and girls who don't have mommies and daddies to get new mommies and daddies. God wants me to do that."
Friday, October 15, 2010
yep, what she said
No time to write, but I don't need to. Kristen pretty much said it all in this post...
Do Orphans Need Saving?
Do Orphans Need Saving?
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
1 week and counting
In 1 week, 0 days, and 16 hours we will be on our way to Ethiopia. Aghh!! Yay!! Wow. When it comes to stuff like this I get the most stressed about 1-2 weeks before the event. So yes, right about now. By the time I am within a day or two of something huge, I am totally relaxed. Everything is done, all is prepared, and I have nothing else left to do but be excited. But a week or two beforehand my sensory perception goes all wacko and I start feeling like the impending event is closer than it really is and that I'm much further from being ready than I really am. Today it feels like I am just about to hit the balancing point where the to-do list seems manageable and the deadline for getting it done is just the right distance away... ahhhh, deep breath.
---
I was watching the Teen Mom season finale today (judge if you must, I'm addicted) and had this strange sense of connection with first-parents Tyler and Catelynn as they drove 8 hours to see their daughter Carly and her adoptive parents for the first time in a year. They were nervous and worked up about the weirdness of seeing someone you love so much but don't know at all. On the car ride they wondered out loud: Will she like us? What will it feel like to hold her? What does her laugh sound like? How will we feel when we meet her? Like Tyler and Catelynn, we've seen pictures of our little one and gotten updates on his development, but that is no substitute for real, live interaction! Watching their sweet reunion gave me a funny feeling in my chest -- a nervous, hopeful, excited twinge of anticipation for our own upcoming meeting. Like Tyler and Catelynn, we'll have a day or two to meet and play and give a few gifts... and then say "see you later." Not good-bye, just see you later.
[I think it goes without saying, but of course a first meeting between birthparents and child is a fundamentally different experience than a first meeting between adoptive parents and child... the comparison doesn't go very far, obviously. Still, it was interesting to be able to relate to some of their feelings!]
---
Last night at dinner we were all talking about kids in Nate's kindergarten class. Jon has been trying to get him to learn 2 new names every day, so Nate reported that he learned the name of a girl in his class and that she is from Ethiopia. We asked how he knew that and he said because "she wears a hood". Well, we explained, some girls who wear a scarf on their head are from Ethiopia, but not all of them. And some girls are from Ethiopia but they don't wear a scarf. And that if he asked his new friend where she was from, she might say "I'm from here," because maybe she is. Then we started talking about ancestors and how maybe his friend is from Seattle, but her ancestors might be from Ethiopia, or lots of other places around the world. I realized that we have never really told Nate or Dexter where their ancestors are from. Hmm... since we will definitely talk frequently about our Ethiopian son's heritage, maybe we should also talk to our Dutch/Western European Mutt children about theirs! I think it would be strange if they could tell people "my brother's ancestors are from Ethiopia" but not be able to answer that question for themselves. Looks like it is time to get out the globe!
---
We were driving the other day and Dexter was talking about when he was a baby. He's been bringing that up a lot lately and I wonder if it is because he is anticipating not being the baby of the family anymore... Anyway, it led to an interesting conversation between me and Nate.
Dexter: Nate, when you were born did you hold me?
Nate: No, when I was born you weren't born yet. I was born in California, and you were born in Seattle.
Me: And [our little guy] was born in Ethiopia.
Nate: But you weren't there. You didn't know him when he was born. You had never met him when we were going to adopt [the little girl we thought we were adopting back in April].
Me: [Quiet for a long time.] That's true, I wasn't there. But I do know where he was born, and I am going to go there to see it next week. And I'll take pictures so you can see it too.
Nate: Oh.
Me: Are you sad we didn't adopt [little girl]?
Nate: [in a "Mom you are so silly" tone of voice] No, I'm not sad!
Me: Good. You're excited to adopt [our little guy]?
Nate: Yep.
Me: Well good. Me too.
---
I was watching the Teen Mom season finale today (judge if you must, I'm addicted) and had this strange sense of connection with first-parents Tyler and Catelynn as they drove 8 hours to see their daughter Carly and her adoptive parents for the first time in a year. They were nervous and worked up about the weirdness of seeing someone you love so much but don't know at all. On the car ride they wondered out loud: Will she like us? What will it feel like to hold her? What does her laugh sound like? How will we feel when we meet her? Like Tyler and Catelynn, we've seen pictures of our little one and gotten updates on his development, but that is no substitute for real, live interaction! Watching their sweet reunion gave me a funny feeling in my chest -- a nervous, hopeful, excited twinge of anticipation for our own upcoming meeting. Like Tyler and Catelynn, we'll have a day or two to meet and play and give a few gifts... and then say "see you later." Not good-bye, just see you later.
[I think it goes without saying, but of course a first meeting between birthparents and child is a fundamentally different experience than a first meeting between adoptive parents and child... the comparison doesn't go very far, obviously. Still, it was interesting to be able to relate to some of their feelings!]
---
Last night at dinner we were all talking about kids in Nate's kindergarten class. Jon has been trying to get him to learn 2 new names every day, so Nate reported that he learned the name of a girl in his class and that she is from Ethiopia. We asked how he knew that and he said because "she wears a hood". Well, we explained, some girls who wear a scarf on their head are from Ethiopia, but not all of them. And some girls are from Ethiopia but they don't wear a scarf. And that if he asked his new friend where she was from, she might say "I'm from here," because maybe she is. Then we started talking about ancestors and how maybe his friend is from Seattle, but her ancestors might be from Ethiopia, or lots of other places around the world. I realized that we have never really told Nate or Dexter where their ancestors are from. Hmm... since we will definitely talk frequently about our Ethiopian son's heritage, maybe we should also talk to our Dutch/Western European Mutt children about theirs! I think it would be strange if they could tell people "my brother's ancestors are from Ethiopia" but not be able to answer that question for themselves. Looks like it is time to get out the globe!
---
We were driving the other day and Dexter was talking about when he was a baby. He's been bringing that up a lot lately and I wonder if it is because he is anticipating not being the baby of the family anymore... Anyway, it led to an interesting conversation between me and Nate.
Dexter: Nate, when you were born did you hold me?
Nate: No, when I was born you weren't born yet. I was born in California, and you were born in Seattle.
Me: And [our little guy] was born in Ethiopia.
Nate: But you weren't there. You didn't know him when he was born. You had never met him when we were going to adopt [the little girl we thought we were adopting back in April].
Me: [Quiet for a long time.] That's true, I wasn't there. But I do know where he was born, and I am going to go there to see it next week. And I'll take pictures so you can see it too.
Nate: Oh.
Me: Are you sad we didn't adopt [little girl]?
Nate: [in a "Mom you are so silly" tone of voice] No, I'm not sad!
Me: Good. You're excited to adopt [our little guy]?
Nate: Yep.
Me: Well good. Me too.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
all i do is make lists
I haven't posted in almost 2 weeks because things have been a complete whirlwind getting ready for our trip. I have tons of posts piling up in the wasteland of the back of my head, most likely never to be written... but that is OK. All I have the time and sanity for today is a random stream-of-consciousness list of updates/thoughts:
1. We got lots of shots last week. They hurt. The next day I was pretty sure I had Yellow Fever.
2. Dexter told me the other day that when his baby brother gets home we will take him to Red Robin. Later he offered to share his Bear-Bear with brother, which is basically like taking a bullet for him in Dexter's world. Sweet boy.
3. When we leave Ethiopia, we'll be leaving our son at the Thomas Center, a home for children who have been adopted but are waiting for their embassy dates so they can go home. Yet another new environment for him... a great, warm, loving, developmentally stimulating environment! But still. :(
4. We are taking 100 lbs of donated formula to Ethiopia with us for babies in YWAM Widow & Orphan homes! (Because these people rock.)
5. We will be gone just over 8 days. During those 8 days, we will spend 76 hours traveling, either by plane or van. For most of those hours we won't have any kids with us (!!). Anyone have any good book recommendations?
6. Our agency (YWAM Ethiopia) is organizing mission trips to many different parts of Ethiopia in 2011. They do all the planning & organizing, you just sign up and pay one all-inclusive fee for the trip. They have all kinds of trips -- manual labor, relational ministry, evangelism, etc -- for all sizes of groups. And I know I am biased but just let me say... THESE PEOPLE ARE AMAZING. I would go anywhere with them. They love Jesus, they love people, and they are just plain awesome. Here's a link with more info. Do it!
7. One of our possible embassy dates is 12/21. If that ends up being our date, we would most likely arrive home with our boy on Christmas Eve. Which means our child's first morning in our home would be... Christmas morning. Welcome to America, kid! Meet your brothers, the crazed maniacs screaming about Santa! This is your new normal! [For the record, if that's how the timing works out, Santa will come very early to our house to avoid aforementioned chaos.]
8. And finally, to any adoptive parents reading this... we are days away from meeting our child and weeks from having him home. Is it normal to feel WOEFULLY inadequate at this point??
1. We got lots of shots last week. They hurt. The next day I was pretty sure I had Yellow Fever.
2. Dexter told me the other day that when his baby brother gets home we will take him to Red Robin. Later he offered to share his Bear-Bear with brother, which is basically like taking a bullet for him in Dexter's world. Sweet boy.
3. When we leave Ethiopia, we'll be leaving our son at the Thomas Center, a home for children who have been adopted but are waiting for their embassy dates so they can go home. Yet another new environment for him... a great, warm, loving, developmentally stimulating environment! But still. :(
4. We are taking 100 lbs of donated formula to Ethiopia with us for babies in YWAM Widow & Orphan homes! (Because these people rock.)
5. We will be gone just over 8 days. During those 8 days, we will spend 76 hours traveling, either by plane or van. For most of those hours we won't have any kids with us (!!). Anyone have any good book recommendations?
6. Our agency (YWAM Ethiopia) is organizing mission trips to many different parts of Ethiopia in 2011. They do all the planning & organizing, you just sign up and pay one all-inclusive fee for the trip. They have all kinds of trips -- manual labor, relational ministry, evangelism, etc -- for all sizes of groups. And I know I am biased but just let me say... THESE PEOPLE ARE AMAZING. I would go anywhere with them. They love Jesus, they love people, and they are just plain awesome. Here's a link with more info. Do it!
7. One of our possible embassy dates is 12/21. If that ends up being our date, we would most likely arrive home with our boy on Christmas Eve. Which means our child's first morning in our home would be... Christmas morning. Welcome to America, kid! Meet your brothers, the crazed maniacs screaming about Santa! This is your new normal! [For the record, if that's how the timing works out, Santa will come very early to our house to avoid aforementioned chaos.]
8. And finally, to any adoptive parents reading this... we are days away from meeting our child and weeks from having him home. Is it normal to feel WOEFULLY inadequate at this point??
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