Monday, February 8, 2010

what we will miss

My friend Kari gave birth to a beautiful baby girl last week. They named her Haley Paige (I'm thrilled). A few days after they got home from the hospital we stopped by to meet Baby Haley. She is perfect and pink and cute as a button.

I loved holding her, all swaddled up tight, noticing her soft ears and tiny eyelashes, velvety cheeks and red lips. Joy and thanksgiving welled up, praise for God's good creation... but an unexpected pang of sadness came too. It was one of those experiences (of which I know there will be many more) where things I have known in my head suddenly fall through the ceiling and land with a crash in my heart.

Of course I know that I have missed my child's birth. I didn't hold him that day, didn't wrap her tightly in a pale pink blanket, didn't kiss his button nose. But, as I have shared before, there is a world of difference between knowing something in a factual way, and feeling that truth in your gut. I have considered what my child might grieve - the losses of family, language, and culture - but I suppose I will grieve too, not only on behalf of my child, but also for what I have missed.

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