Grieving the loss of something you never really had is a strange kind of grief. (Though I'm not sure any grief feels normal to the one who grieves.) As I continue to process the events of the last few weeks, I am noticing that the things I am grieving are all about me. I don't grieve for the sweet girl we aren't adopting, because I trust that what is happening is best for her. I am left to grieve the loss of my hopes and expectations... the way I thought things would happen... the things I imagined... the plans I made... the way I told everyone it would be.
Losing these things hurts. A lot. But they are not the things that define our story. Our story is not about my expectations, or what I told people was happening, or how I have imagined the future.
Our story is about running after God into Ethiopia and bringing home our child.
And that is still happening. We are still following God. We are still adopting a beautiful child from Ethiopia. God continues to write our story, not always the way I want him to, but the way he knows it should go.
So yes, it hurts, but I am confident that the things I have lost are things I needed to lose. I needed to lose my dreams and plans and expectations to make room for the reality of how God is moving in this process. Those things weren't bad or wrong or misguided... their time is just up. What will God bring in their place? Where will he take us next? These questions are now our prayers. Please pray with us.