Wednesday, May 12, 2010

grieving me

Grieving the loss of something you never really had is a strange kind of grief. (Though I'm not sure any grief feels normal to the one who grieves.) As I continue to process the events of the last few weeks, I am noticing that the things I am grieving are all about me. I don't grieve for the sweet girl we aren't adopting, because I trust that what is happening is best for her. I am left to grieve the loss of my hopes and expectations... the way I thought things would happen... the things I imagined... the plans I made... the way I told everyone it would be.

Losing these things hurts. A lot. But they are not the things that define our story. Our story is not about my expectations, or what I told people was happening, or how I have imagined the future.

Our story is about running after God into Ethiopia and bringing home our child.

And that is still happening. We are still following God. We are still adopting a beautiful child from Ethiopia. God continues to write our story, not always the way I want him to, but the way he knows it should go.

So yes, it hurts, but I am confident that the things I have lost are things I needed to lose. I needed to lose my dreams and plans and expectations to make room for the reality of how God is moving in this process. Those things weren't bad or wrong or misguided... their time is just up. What will God bring in their place? Where will he take us next? These questions are now our prayers. Please pray with us.


  1. Haley,

    We went through this 8 years ago when we attempted to adopt the out-of-wedlock baby of a young family member. After we had everything prepared to go, including moving to our current house (more baby-friendly), she decided to keep the baby. We rejoiced outwardly at the family staying together but it absolutely killed us inside. I feel for you guys this well and at peace.


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  3. Hi Haley,
    I met you at Trader Joe's, do you remember me? I have 3 children from Ghana.
    We also have gone through heartbreak during our adoption process and I have grieved for the loss of children I had never met but they had already become my children in my heart. It is hard to explain, unless someone has experienced it they have a hard time understanding. When you have pictures and names, when your family and friends are praying for that child, there is a bond that is formed and of course you will grieve the loss.
    I will be praying for you and your family that you will be able to rest in His peace and that through these trials you will grow ever closer to Him and your faith will be strengthened.

  4. Haley, I feel sad today about your loss. God bless that little girl and God bless you.

  5. I am just bloghopping tonight (when I should be in bed) and came upon you. I am so sorry about this. I can only imagine the roller coaster of emotions you must be experiencing.

    I am praying for peace for you tonight.

  6. thank you friends (and welcome blog-hoppers)... your kind words and prayers are a blessing.