Homemade Whoopie Pies: Batch 1 (left) and Batch 2 (right)
I am a perfectionist. I want to do everything the right way the first time.
I also love taking risks and trying things I've never done.
Don't you love the way that God specifically wires us such that we would be a big huge mess without him? It
The risk-taker in me has reveled in our adoption process. The perfectionist has pouted. I love this new adventure, but I also really want a computer program where I input some variables (child's age, # of days home, situation in question), and it spits out the right answer. But there is no right way to do this, and even if there was I am pretty sure I couldn't do it on my first try. All I can do is commit each day to listening, learning, and living under the grace of God.
In practical terms, this looks like letting someone else (my dad, who Z is crazy about) put Z to bed for the first time so that J and I can go on a long overdue date... even though I wasn't absolutely positive it was exactly the right time. I didn't want to do it wrong! But I needed to do it anyway. And guess what? Z did great. So great, in fact, that when J and I came home to a quiet house at 8 PM, my dad sent us back out to get dessert.
It looks like admitting to myself that I am going to mess up daily, so that I don't have to waste time wallowing in despair when (not if) it happens. Instead of saying mentally berating myself, I can just shrug it off, learn from it, and hope to do better next time. It also helps to know that God's grace isn't just for me - its also for my kids. I will fail, but he won't. Though it is my God-given role to love and nurture them, they are his children before they are mine and he loves them even more than I do. And for that, this crazy perfectionist risk-taking mama is very grateful.