Tuesday, May 17, 2011

grace


Homemade Whoopie Pies: Batch 1 (left) and Batch 2 (right)

I am a perfectionist. I want to do everything the right way the first time.

I also love taking risks and trying things I've never done.

Don't you love the way that God specifically wires us such that we would be a big huge mess without him? It drives me crazy cracks me up that he made me a risk-taking perfectionist. Not a bad way to teach a girl to rely on grace alone I suppose.

The risk-taker in me has reveled in our adoption process. The perfectionist has pouted. I love this new adventure, but I also really want a computer program where I input some variables (child's age, # of days home, situation in question), and it spits out the right answer. But there is no right way to do this, and even if there was I am pretty sure I couldn't do it on my first try. All I can do is commit each day to listening, learning, and living under the grace of God.

In practical terms, this looks like letting someone else (my dad, who Z is crazy about) put Z to bed for the first time so that J and I can go on a long overdue date... even though I wasn't absolutely positive it was exactly the right time. I didn't want to do it wrong! But I needed to do it anyway. And guess what? Z did great. So great, in fact, that when J and I came home to a quiet house at 8 PM, my dad sent us back out to get dessert.

It looks like admitting to myself that I am going to mess up daily, so that I don't have to waste time wallowing in despair when (not if) it happens. Instead of saying mentally berating myself, I can just shrug it off, learn from it, and hope to do better next time. It also helps to know that God's grace isn't just for me - its also for my kids. I will fail, but he won't. Though it is my God-given role to love and nurture them, they are his children before they are mine and he loves them even more than I do. And for that, this crazy perfectionist risk-taking mama is very grateful.

6 comments:

  1. Love this post! You are a great momma!

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  2. Well said, my friend. You're doing great!

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  3. OH.My.LORD! First you snub mama in the Facebook post and NOW you don't mention her here!? You, missy, are in big trouble.

    (Great post, by the way. You are a fabulous mom to all 3 of your boys)

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  4. I will vouch that those whoopie pies were delish.

    You ARE doing a great job. Though I am REALLY not a perfectionist, I can totally relate to issues with letting go. Day by day :)

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  5. It also helps to know that God's grace isn't just for me - its also for my kids. I will fail, but he won't. Though it is my God-given role to love and nurture them, they are his children before they are mine and he loves them even more than I do.
    I think as a mother that is the hardest thing to get through to my head and heart :)
    Good mothering!!

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  6. oh YEAH.... accepting God's grace for MY failures. That's so tough. Grace is nice, but honestly I'd rather be perfect. Accepting that I'm not and that I need grace is a daily struggle. Thanks for this post. (And those whoopie pies look DELICIOUS, by the way).

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